Lessons from my early 20s

This is the most cliched post I have written till date. But, I do understand why people make these lists. It’s a positive way of saying “I screwed up, so maybe you won’t”. Well, the truth is you will screw up either way, but after reading this, maybe not in the same ways as me.

So here goes.

1. It will take time to accept yourself for who you are and that’s okay.

I spent a lot of my teenage years being insecure about my body and about my capabilities and I still am, sometimes. But it took me a lot of time to realize how women are inherently brought up to hate their bodies and I was just another girl who got accustomed to that. What took time for me to realize is that is we are a generation who grew up with the internet and celebrity culture surrounding us so our first images of being perfect was the “Instagram body”. What we did not see was that we were comparing our behind the scenes with their complete movie, which is unfair, everyone’s insecure, so if we all know our flaws why hate our bodies in the first place? Your body and your looks do not define you and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You have so much more to offer than just your looks. You can do anything you want. If people judge you, it’s their problem not yours. Love yourself, be happy within yourself before you try to find happiness and love somewhere else. And no matter who or what happens, put yourself first!

2. Not all friendships and relationships are meant to last

“As life changes, so will your circle” It’s rare that your best friend from 4th grade is going to be your best friend for the rest of your life. If you have that, you’re one of the luckiest people on the planet and don’t you screw that up, okay? But for the rest of us, people come and people go. What stays, are lessons and memories and what’s important is that you learn and grow. Not all relationships will end on bad blood, sometimes you will outgrow people, sometimes they will outgrow you and that’s okay. You learn, you grow and you wish them the best.

3. Your parents are humans too. They are not perfect, and they need you

This is a cliched thing to say in a already cliched article but as you’re growing up, your parents are growing old and they need you. I can’t put on a number on how many times I have taken my parents for granted when they needed help, be it technology or house chores. We often get annoyed at them for asking us repeatedly, but what we need to remember is that there was a time when we asked them questions repeatedly and they answered all of them again and again. No matter who you find or where you go in the world, unconditional love exists in only one form, that is in your parents. Always try to find a balance between your dreams and their needs.

4. Trust, understanding and growth before romance

For the longest time, I dreamt of a happy ending like the ones in “romcoms”. It took me time to realize that life doesn’t have a happily ever after like movies. I met guys and fell in love with the idea of what “we could become” rather than seeing “what we were”. It’s a balance of both, and the effort to do that needs to come from both sides. I always thought I could be the exception to change how someone feels about me or the way they act. The truth is, not everything is meant to be. The hope of it all is never going to come true. I made mistakes until I finally realized that you need friendship and trust more than a romantic dinner at an exotic location. When it’s right, even a 15 minute drive will make you feel alive. You will never have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You won’t have to try to look pretty because to them you’re already beautiful as you are. Relationships are work, they are not big gestures like the movies but the little things you do for each other every day. There are no perfect relationships but the most you get is the one both of you work everyday to make things better than they were yesterday. You will be everything you are with them. You are an ordinary person but when you’re in a happy relationship you will somehow feel extraordinary everyday. Love is not black and white, there are no perfect or imperfect relationships. Love is golden, it will make you shine inside out even in your darkest days. They let you be you, you grow with them as a person and as a couple.

5. Plan the big things, celebrate the small things

I am a perfectionist by nature. I plan how I want things to turn out and I work towards them. However, this year out of them all has taught me not to sweat it all too much. I used to be someone who would plan out every detail of my life and then complain and sulk when things did not go my way. Well, that’s just life. So the lesson here is that I still plan things but on a longer term and a little less ideally. I relaxed myself to live in the moment a little, started finding happiness and peace in everyday things such as a perfect cup of coffee.

6. Never give up on your hobbies, they will help you live.

When we were kids, we always thought our childhood hobbies were going to be our grown up profession, but that doesn’t always work does it? But what does happen is we engross ourselves so much in what we end up becoming that we forget to be invested in our hobbies at all. What I believe now is, instead of believing that your hobbies will always have to turn into an income, they are something you do for yourself. And they don’t have to be constant. You can have multiple hobbies, but I can’t stress this enough.. you always need something you do for yourself. The one skill or one activity you learn or do for your own mental well being. It doesn’t matter if it’s one thing or a hundred or if it changes everyday. For me, it has always been three things, reading, writing and as the recent quarantine made me realize, dancing. You need to have at least one thing that makes you feel like you, which feels like meditation to you.

7. Being a workaholic is not as cool as you think

When I recently started my first job I used to take pride in working on weekends or dedicating myself to my work. But in a year, I realized that’s not how I want my life to look like 5 years down the lane. I have a lot of ambition and I love my job but that doesn’t mean I should be giving hours that are supposed to be reserved for my family and me. Work life balance is important, and a job that doesn’t offer you that isn’t worth you. Yes, work for that promotion, work hard at your job, be the boss lady you always meant to be but not at the expense of your personal time.

8. Take care of yourself, physically and mentally

I don’t have much to say here as the title is self explanatory. But yeah, take care of your health, eat healthy, get enough exercise and KIDS, DON’T DO DRUGS! Also, never forget, that your mental peace is as important as your physical health. Also, meditate if you can. It doesn’t matter if it’s for 2 minutes or 20, but give your brain the peace it deserves, your body and your brain are constantly working for you isnt it only justified that sometimes you do something that takes care of them?

9. It’s okay to not be productive 24/7

This is parallel to my lesson about being a workaholic but I don’t know who needs to hear this but it’s okay to take a break. I remember being all exhausted throughout the week waiting for the weekend and then guilt tripping myself into not being ambitious or serious enough for not doing something productive on the weekend. It’s okay to see those people who run marathons or attend art classes on weekends but always remember as long as you are working hard and you are dedicated towards what you want, it is okay to take a break and chill a little. You are doing the best you can. You are only human.

10. The aim is not to ever make a mistake but learn to make better mistakes

If one thing had been different

Would everything be different today?

Like my bestie Taylor Swift said in the above lyrics, we often find ourselves lost in the thoughts of “what ifs”. Mistakes and regets are bound to happen, but at the end of the day they make you who you are today. Thinking about the past and regretting what you did doesn’t help you change the past, so why not just focus on moving forward instead.

11. Money is not everything but money is something

If you’re a woman, you have probably been limited in a lot of your ways growing up. Being financially independent gives you a leverage to escape these. Earning your own money, sustaining yourself and having savings gives you the leverage to not be dependent on anyone. You don’t have to abide by anyone’s rules because you’re capable to make your own decisions and sustaining yourself. Yes, it doesn’t solve all your problems but at least it is a head start.

12. It’s alright to not have it “figured out” all the time

I entered college thinking “I am gonna get a job, work for two years and then do my master’s and then work some more”, bless that kid. Two years into my job, I have no intention of doing a master’s and I don’t know if that’s something I want to do anymore. You’re growing and your priorities are constantly changing, it’s okay if life feels like chaos sometimes, it’s okay if you feel everyone around you has it “sorted”. You’ll figure out what you want and what you need at your own pace. Give yourself time to explore. Never do something only because everyone else is doing it.

13. Be kind, optimistic and patient

These are my top three values, and they make life easier for me. I choose to be kind, because the world isn’t so I try to be kinder and hope that I be that difference. I am optimistic, because I believe in myself and I choose to be patient, because things take time to workout.

Hope you enjoyed this :) Thanks for reading. What are some lessons you learned in your twenties?